Its that time of year, leave all our hopelessness' aside...

So I just found a bunch of drawings from my past and realized that I have yet to share any of my art work with you. I will try to dedicate part of tomorrow to showing you what I have been up to and where I have come from artistically.

Its not super impressive, but its a huge part of who I am. Until tomorrow.

Peace, Love and Secret Masterpieces my darlings!

XOXO,

Starshine

I can feel the pressure, its getting closer now...

Sorry I have been gone for so long, I feel like such a loser when I go eons without posting. So let's just get this started. For those of you who don't know (although I really don't understand how this isn't common knowledge already), I pretty much live a life of deficiency. I'm not one of those Debbie Downers who cries about life all the time, I am just aware of my... Situation. Well anyway, being the Queen of all that is deficient, birthdays for me are usually a nightmare. In fact for the past few years I've tried to make them as small of a deal as possible but this year is a new year, a better year.

This year I have plans. Not necessarily good ones, but ones which will hopefully improve my mental health. I'm saying goodbye to school for at least a year during which time I plan on working and saving and doing absolutely nothing else so that I will hopefully be able to celebrate my 22nd birthday in my very own apartment.

This year for the big 21, I am road tripping it to FL with a friend for a week of... Let's call it sinister behavior.

Wish me luck! I'm so looking forward to this trip. Next order of business, some bitchin road trip mixtapes.

Any suggestions loves? Think about it. Get back to me. Talk to you soon!!!!

Peace, love, and Stellar Mixtapes my darlings!



XOXO,

Starshine

Where do you go when it gets dark? And is there room for me there?

Dear Michael Lezama,
I just want to let you know how amazing you are as a person. Today was one of the hardest days I've had in a while and you were most definitely the last person I ever thought would be able to help me make sense of it all, let alone relate to my daily struggles. However we really just had a two and a half hour long conversation about our individual lives and it seriously just changed my life. Its crazy to think that after our first real conversation I feel like I can tell you more than someone I've known for years. I value that more than you will ever know. You are so strong, genuine and open and it breaks my heart to know that people have treated you the way they have. Please know that I will always be here if and when you need me because in the last hour you have just been for lack of a better word, incredible. You listened to me when I went off on incomprehensible rants, made sense of my tangents and didn't judge me when I started crying like an asshole on my front steps. Most importantly, you trusted me. You trusted me with your secret loves, heartaches and dreams. You unloaded on me and let down the wall you put up for just about everyone and even though neither of us knew what to say at the end we had both said enough. I know that no matter what, I have you in my corner and that you have me in yours. All that matters is that I'm sorry and I'm here. No truer words have ever been spoken and you have never been as attractive to me as a person as you were when you said, "life is a cunt bitch but one day things will be better for us... They have to be". Thank you. I love you. And goodnight.

Peace, Love and unexpected heroes.

XOXO,

Starshine


Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

just try more love, if I just try more love...

I'll find myself in time.

Peace, Love and Harmony my darlings!

XOXO

Starshine
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Dream a little dream of me

I love when alleged best friends try to make you feel obsolete. Nice try but if we were ever really friends you would know I'm not expendable. Maybe we were never as close as we pretended to be. Currently listening to songs to love and die by, you'll be forgotten by the morning.

Peace, Love and Treachery my darlings!

XOXO

Starshine
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Because the world is round, it turns me on

The colors around me are crazy on point around me. The sky is so blue and the clouds are so white. The skyline looks so intense it's almost unreal. Who knew Newark could be so beautiful.

Today has been a day just like any other so far. My father has gone to CT to look into yet another one of his random business ventures so it will be myself against the wolves until he returns. Things haven't been too bad at home lately though, so hopefully it will be smooth sailing until tomorrow. I leave you with this poem ( I didn't write it, the writers of the O.C. did)

I wish I was a mermaid
And could swim with all the fish.
A shiny tail and seashells,
That would be my wish.

Peace, Love and Sunny Skies my darlings.

Xoxo

Starshine
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

When everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am...

Today was Max Loverboy Hahlbeck's 21st birthday. What started out as 3 people drinking at the local bar, turned into about 14 of us just getting reckless. although things got a little out of hand (for reasons I can't go into), this was one of the best nights I've had in almost a year. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I love my friends.

Peace, Love and Drunken Mayhem my darlings.

Xoxo

Starshine <3
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry