Everything is illuminated

"...So she had to satisfy herself with the idea of love — loving the loving of things whose existence she didn’t care at all about. Love itself became the object of her love. She loved herself in love, she loved loving love, as love loves loving, and was able, in that way, to reconcile herself with a world that fell so short of what she would have hoped for. It was not the world that was the great and saving lie, but her willingness to make it beautiful and fair, to live a once-removed life, in a world once-removed from the one in which everyone else seemed to exist."

My life story? Maybe

i knew better than to let you break my heart

Know what your problem is, Shapiro? 

It's that you just have this really 

      shitty way of looking at things, ya know? I don't have that problem. I just look at the dopeness. But you, 

it's like you just look at 

the wackness...

I am watching 13 Ghosts on MTV right now. I had really forgotten how intense this movie is. I have been working a lot recently and I have never felt so tired. Everything inside of me hurts and I can't remember the last time I was this drained.  I am so ready to make the changes I need to in order for things in my life to finally get better and fall into place. Tomorrow's plan, COFFEE!!!!!!!!! and lots of it. I will move on from there...

And I can see this unravelling...

So I have work everyday this week except for thursday. I never minded working constantly before, but now that none of the profits go to me Macy*s has taken the shape of a prison. I can't wait to bust out of here and get my life back.

Birthday soon, But what's the point really...

"You'll come back when they call you, no need to say goodbye"

BAD OMENS

• "I've Got A Feeling" by Black Eyed Peas
• The Homeless by Choice
• The Perfect Plan
• Sisters
• Perfectly Blue, cloudless skies
• Being A Leo
• Being Lauren Peck
  

SAVING GRACES

• Best Friends
• Regina Spektor
• John Mayer

Que Sera Sera

I think that self important people are just a joke. Stupid people with nothing better to do than be assholes upsets me. I am sorry you have nothing in your life, but maybe if you spent more time exploring and less time being a bitch you would be in a different place right now. I have more important things to worry about and occupy my time with. No longer will I indulge you in your quest to feel good about yourself. You are dead to me which is unfortunate because we are supposed to be close. But as I have previously stated, I think you are a joke and want nothing more to do with you ever. 

and thennnnnnnnnnn

today was a surprisingly good day.

I am not quite sure how to react to this

run run run, to make your heart shake, kiss kiss kiss we'll make this earth quake

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?!?!

I feel like I am stuck in some kind of alternate universe where nothing ever works out for me, It is some kind of parallel field where life is just awkward and uncomfortable. I know this is not normal, 

something must be done

One of those days

The night surrounds us on all sides,

We watch the sun begin to rise,

We have our past behind us, our destiny awaits.

The messages are soon relayed, 

We're black until our dying day,

We stand beside our brethren, and soon fulfill our fate.

BRIDGE

CHORUS

Life and death like day and night,

One goal in mind to win this fight,

The black flame deep inside us, sheds everlasting light.

We sing for you our battle cry,

Our heads up to the midnight sky,

Our colors make us live, and for them we will die.

Our eyes now see the rage of war,

It's finally clear what we fight for,

It's time fir us to pass down, the knowledge we have gained.

So as this brilliant sun does set,

We must make sure we don't forget,

Where we all have come from, and what we have obtained.

BRIDGE

CHORUS

Life and death like day and night,

One goal in mind to win this fight

This black fame deep inside, sheds everlasting light.

We sing for you our battle cry,

Our heads up to the midnight sky,

Our colors make us live, and for them we will die.

Our darkest hour has begun,

And still our souls shine like the sun,

The end is drawing closer, but death we do embrace.

All of us will be reborn,

To live and fight and win once more,

We smile at the black sky, the moon upon our face.

BRIDGE

Chorus

Life and death like day and night,

One goal in mind to win this fight,

The black flame deep inside us, sheds everlasting light.

We sing for you our battle cry,

Our heads up to the midnight sky,

Our colors make us live and for them we will die.

A FIRE STARTS WITH JUST ONE SPARK,

AND SOON ILLUMINATES THE DARK,

THE CYCLE IS ETERNAL, ETERNAL IN OUR HEARTS.

A FIRE STARTS WITH JUST ONE SPARK,

AND SOON ILLUMINATES THE DARK,

THE CYCLE IS ETERNAL, ETERNAL IN OUR HEARTS

- Maggie Kraus (lyrical genius) 

When you got a hundred voices singing, who can hear a lousy whistle blow?

Today it poured, all day. I was really upset because it was my day off and I had made plans that fell through due to the down pour. So I decided to have a bit of a lazy Thursday. I was up at 8 but didn't really leave my room until 4. Of course I got shit from the parents about it. My dad was more on the concerned end, making sure I was okay and thinking that perhaps I had felt ill and that is why I had been upstairs all day. My mother was undoubtably a different story. She preceded to give me a hard time about how the letter I gave her from the library looked fake and that I needed to get a new one and about my not being back to the library in a while to volunteer. I mean I am fully aware that you want me to volunteer all summer (you've told me just about every day) plus it has only been about 5 days since I was last at the library, and I was working for 4 of them. The main thing that upset me about our little exchange is the face that this is our first interaction of the day, it always is. Is it really any wonder that I avoid her at all times when I am at "home"? Tomorrow we are supposed to have our official family meeting and of course, Robin chooses tonight to stay out all night and not call when she said she was going to home at 10. Knowing my luck, her behavior will come back to somehow bite me in the ass. I am really trying  to decide if tomorrow is a good time to tell my parents about my plan to move out. I mean, I know that the conversation is going to turn ugly after the topic of fall plans arises and I declare that I am not going back to school this fall (if ever, even though everyone already knows this). Maybe i won't have to go to the family reunion since I am the failure of the clan and can enjoy those two days by myself. I just want this summer to be over already. I was dreading it before it even started so I am not at all surprised at how things here are turning out. I don't think that it is normal to feel this way about being home after only the first week of summer or that said feeling s would only get worse after a month and a half. The optimist in me says that everything will work out fine, but the realist (which makes up most of my core) says to just give up and start packing.

Mama who bore me,

Mama who gave me,

Mama the angels,

Who made me so sad.

Mama who bore me,

Mama who gave me,

No way to handle things, 

who made me so sad.

Mama  the weeping,

Mama the angels,

No sleep in heaven or Bethlehem.

Some pray that one day, 

Christ will come a calling.

They light a candle, 

And hope that it glows.

And some just lie there crying, 

For him to come and find them.

But when he comes,

They don't know how to go.

Mama who bore me,

Mama who gave me,

Mama the angels,

Who made me so bad.

Mama the weeping,

Mama the angels,

No sleep in heaven or Bethlehem.

Let's make love and listen to death from above

White Pizza with onions and peppers

Smoking cigs, we're making a website

Photobooth later.

Birthday Sex

Pod save the Queen.

Classic times with Angie at her house...

BUT ON A DIFFERENT NOTE

My friends and I were recently discussing the difference between having guts, and having balls. It happens to turn out that the ballsiest option is most often the rudest one. 

       

 ::EXAMPLE::

It takes guts, to talk to a girl you are into.

It takes balls, to wait until you are no longer in the same space and send said girl ridiculously explicit comments, texts and emails when you have failed to have a real conversation with her. It is disgusting, and I am disgusted and refuse to talk to or even consider the predators that chose to communicate with me in this manner. 

I double pass on your epic fail.

This is my winter song to you, The storm is coming soon...

I had horrible dreams last night. They've left me tired, drained and frightened. I want to try sleeping again, but I am afraid of what my dreams might have in store for me. Usually, when I have nightmares like this my reality follows suite. This is not me saying that I am clairvoyant and my dreams are warnings of  El Futuro, or that I live in some Nightmare on Elm Street universe, I guess it is just that the bad feelings and intentions present in the dreams start to appear in the people around me.

The worst part is really that I was listening to the most beautiful concerto, and I am superstitious  about listening to music playing during or directly after one of my nightmares. So I guess Jacqueline du Pre and I are on a bit of a separation.

"Hello Major Tom, are you receiving? Turn the busters on, we're standing by"

Today's Forecast : Thunderstorms all day

Actual Reality : Sunny and beautiful with Arizona skies

It's 10:30 am and I am sitting outside of Livingston Mall. I don't start work until 1 and I've already been here for about two hours. It seems as if I am making more and more excuses to get out of the house lately. I really wish I had thought to bring my camera to the mall with me today. Not that there is really anything spectacular  to photograph out here, but I have a pretty awesome playlist today and I'm sure i could've made something happen.

Songs of the day:  

            Major Tom by Shiny Toy Guns

Let Me Sign by Robert Pattinson

Eyes on Fire by Blue Foundation

Earth below us, Drifting, falling, Floating weightless, Calling home

So this is love?!?!?

So I've had this song in my music library for about a year now, but I had never really listened to the words until I heard it playing on the soundtrack at my job yesterday. It is one of those songs that perfect mimics the situations I find myself in all of the time. Even the melody and catchy nature of the music defines my life. The song is called, Nothing Ever Hurt Like You" by James Morrison (who is an incredible talent in case anyone was wondering). The song almost feels like a Lily Allen track because the music sounds so light and upbeat even though listening to the lyrics paints an entirely different picture. I find this song to be absolutely beautiful and love to sing it while going through the motions of my day even though (or maybe even due to the fact that) it explains the ridiculousness that is my life in love (and other categories)...

I think that the end of this song is the part that best describes my behaviors in life, so here are some lyrics.

Let me know what you think

Everything was just a game

Yes you played me good

But I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you

I got my hands up to take your aim

Ya I'm ready

There ain't nothing that we can't go through

Oh it hit me like a hurricane when you left me

But I'd do it all again for you

I'd walk a thousand miles on broken glass, it won't stop me

From makin' my way back to you

It's like we learn 'til you feel the pain

And nothing ever hurt like you

Beijo na Boca

Let me first say that the Portuguese festival was AMAZING!!!!! At first I was a little sketchy about how the night would turn out because so many parts of the plan started to unravel. Friends were bailing, rides were unreliable, but in the end it all worked out and the little bits of drama didn't even matter. I got some really good pictures out of the night so those will be added soon. My body is so tired right now. I just want to sleep but I need to not look like I was out drinking and dancing until 4am. Now it is the start of a new week but there doesn't seem to be too much excitement in store, basically I work for 35 hours. I'm off Tuesday and Thursday and thursday I am going to Brooklyn to visit the male love of my life. We are planning on going to dinner at this amazing thai place near his house. Actually, I may have lied about there not being that much excitement because I just got hired to do makeup for some upcoming performances and fashion shows. I know some of the people in the shows (which is most likely how I got the job). The pay is good and I love doing this type of work, so look forward to those pictures too! I feel like dancing around my room right now, but I am too drained from last night. So I think I will switch out that playlist for a calmer one.  It may be time for some of my favs, Bjork, Stars, JM, BSS, Gavin Degraw and Shiny Toys Guns...

Peace to the Middle East, GO PLANET!

we'll fly away like there is no tomorrow...

Tonight i am going to the Portuguese Festival in Newark with some of my closet friends. I am so excited because I have never been to this particular festival before. It will be just what I need after my day at work. Most of the people I invited can go which is the best thing ever because 1, the more the merrier; and 2, my friends are my family and I know I can count on them to make things better. I love them with everything I have and they always distract me from my ridiculous home life. Plus with the summer I've been having so far, I just need to have one really good day. 

Todo para la familia (everything for the family)...

2 am Cig breaks

It rained today.
The usually quiet suburb street was suddenly noisy with the loud steady drum beat of a rain storm long in progress.
The black asphalt of my driveway was wet and gleamed beautifully like a violent river.
I could see the outlines of all the fixtures in my backyard but it was so dark that the shapes really didn't mean anything.
The silhouette of the trees were the most beautiful thing I have seen in a long time.
The summer breeze pushes the rain onto to my feet and the wet cold feeling seems to reach my soul.
But only in the most beautiful of ways.
I close my eyes and breathe in the intoxicating aroma of rain and wet grass and it let it transport me back to happier days. 
Summers spent at camp lying on the field with best friends.
Picnics at Central Park.
Bonfires.
Fireworks.
Candy fights.
Iced Chai Lattes at 11:30 at night followed by two hour car rides during which we talk about absolutely everything.
Leaving my house and having days and adventures that are the definition of love...
I sat outside for nearly an hour listening to the rain and absorbing the sensation the storm brought with it.
I breathe in the sweet air as the water soaks my clothes, skin and hair.
I am cold but I don't dare move in fear that the slightest movement would cause these feelings to fade.
At long last i open my eyes and take my last look before going inside.
I enter the house sad that i have to leave such beauty behind and as i close the door i notice something new.
The sky reflects the ugly orange from the street lights, but for some reason tonight, it doesn't bother me at all.


Tonight, it's beautiful.

The Mohawk Song 2006

So recently I was told by a friend that I would be too lazy to have a blog. I think I told him he was stupid, but I secretly agree with him 100 percent. It is not that I am too lazy to make one, but updating it would be a hassle to me. I also have a tendency to ramble on a bit which would make my posts difficult for others to read. However, I hate when others tell me what I can and cannot do, so here goes.

My name is Lauren, and I am a pretty average person. There is nothing overwhelmingly interesting about me, so I do not know why anyone would want to read anything about my life or lack there of. I just finished my sophomore year of university but I don't think I am going back there ever again. It is not that I have anything against universities or the people that chose to go to them, I just don't think that it is the right place for me to be right now. At the same time, I think that my not going to university pretty much ends any and all possibility of me being able to finally bust out of my average bubble and do anything extravagant with my life. Not that I have any real idea of what I would want to do with my life. For the longest time, I have always said that I wanted to do something art related in my future, but I think that this may just be because art is the only real thing I am good (or slightly better than average) at. My school really wasn't helping me grow as an artist, and I think that I would rather just listen to music and draw when I felt like it anyway...