I'll pick up these broken pieces til I'm bleeding, if that will make it right

I have decided that I am no longer leaving my house. It has become overwhelmingly apparent to me that all of the relationships I have spent the last few years to a decade developing are one way streets. I've noticed that I am constantly giving while everyone around me is taking. There is never any return. I am tired of pretending I care about other people's personal problems when I feel like I am going through real shit everyday. I am tired of being cut off or ignored by my so called friends when I try to talk about my issues. Simply put, I am tired of being taken advantage of.

Therefore, I have decided to cut myself off from all sorts of social encounters for the time being. I am just going to keep entirely to myself while I sort out my issues. Then I will decide if I have any relationships worth saving or if I just need to cut my losses and move on. I just don't have time for the bullshit and refuse to be anyone's afterthought. That's all for now.

Peace, love and clarity my darlings!

XOXO,

Starshine

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Til mine is the only face you see, I'm gonna stand out, til you notice me...

I got my first tattoo yesterday. As I predicted I feel I am now harboring an addiction. I picked a fairly large tribal sun on my right shouder. I like it a lot, but I'm not in love. I think I picked it because of it's size and the fact that it involved a fair amount of coloring; I wanted to see if I could handle the pain. It wasn't too bad after I put my headphones on. A little techno and a pop princess got through the process effortlessly. Next time around however, I want to be in love with the piece I choose. This calls for some research. The following images are awesome. I want them all, either in their original or slightly modified forms.

Love this look, I want to be tatted all over.

Mermaids are pretty. I want a mermaid piece. But I want her to have angel wings. Her face will be more focalized but her expression will be somewhat sinister. I should just draw it up

.

Yes feather. Yes placement. I know the next two pieces also incorporate feathers into the theme, but they match my spirit. I'm just born to fly...

Please and thank you. But since I have a tribal sun on my right shoulder it might be too circular. I would either want this on my thigh, or to add on to my first piece. Maybe the incorporation of some colored feathers would make my piece more feminine and innovative.

This is pretty. I want this exactly as is. The location will have to be changed though, because it's where I got my first one. Maybe my left forearm...

That is all for right now. I will keep looking and sketching and my next piece will be absolutely spectacular!

Peace, Love and sinister mermaids darlings!

xoxo,

Starshine

you know if I ball then we all gonna stunt

I don't know what's come over me lately, but whatever it is has broken my creativity fast. I got a new set of pliers two weeks ago and have been making jewelry non stop ever since. I wonder if this is how sleeping beauty felt after Prince Phillip woke her from her slumber?

Here are some photos of my favorites. Only for you my beauties.

Peace, love and self rediscovered my darlings!

XOXO,
Starshine

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these dreams, under my pillow

Lunch blogging. I've been at work since six. It's been a pretty blah day so far. Currently rocking: work uniform, black bandana, purple eyeliner and Orange lipstick. Song of the day: White Nights by Oh Land. I get to leave work in less than 3 hours. Maybe I will treat myself to a manicure when I get out, and quite possibly a nap. I deserve it, I've been working my ass off these past few weeks (literally). Then I have two more short days of work followed by two glorious days off. This song has me in the mood to camp. I have some PTO saved up, I think I will put something together. My break is ending. Alas, parting is such sweet sorrow that I must say goodbye till it be... 2.

Peace, love and the twilight of these white nights my darlings.

XOXO,

Starshine

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I'll stop the whole world from turning into a monster...

I hate being gone for so long, it makes me feel sad and neglectful. I've been getting a lot of that recently but what can I say, it is what it is. What's new, what's new? My birthday is quickly approaching, I bought just a about a million sharpies and recently came into the 6th season of boy meets world (speaking of which, i now follow Ben Savage on twitter and am pretty excited about it). To the untrained eye, my most recent accomplishments may seem anything but, however I am actually pretty content right now. There is nothing like a fresh planner and a new color coding system to get the blood pumping. I haven't spent as much time as I want being constructive in the city, but hopefully this will all change on Thursday. I will have a whole two days and fresh paycheck (not to mention birthday dollars) to explore, tinker and create. I can only hope that work cooperates so that I can have my peace. OH! after a long 5 months, i have been reunited with my surface piercings. Luckily, this guy wasn't a jerk and used teflon tubing instead of metal bars. Although there is a slight increase in swelling (due to scar tissue :[ ), they look so much better than they did this time last year. Needless to say, I am pretty in love.

For some reason completely unknown to me, I decided to watch part of the teen choice awards when i got home from work tonight. Why? I'm still trying to figure it out. Winners are picked soley on how cute they are, or how often their songs are played on the radio. Substance/ Talent isn't really a factor. It may sound harsh, but I'm not mad at the oblivious voting habits of these teens. I mean, how many twelve year olds do you know that discuss cinema quality or the creative range of an actor? Or the fact that on so-and-so's new album the artist completely just gives up, cops out and lets dub step do all the work for them. If anything, the awards just reminded me that I'm not a kid anymore, and to be honest, it breaks my heart a little. If only my most serious conflicts revolved around whether Jacob was hotter in New Moon or Eclipse. For this reason, my birthday wish is to age gracefully while maintaining all the enthusiasm of youth. So far, so good.

Peace, Love and Taylor Lautner my darlings.

XOXO,
Starshine

You turned out to be the, Best thing I never had

Currently sampling Justin Bieber's premiere fragrance "someday". I feel like I'm at the county fair. It smells like vanilla and blue cotton candy...

Peace, Love and beasting on the ring toss my darlings!

xoxo,

Starshine <3

Compare where you are to where you want to be and you'll get nowhere

Real women do not have curves. Real women do not look like just one thing.

Real women have curves, and not. They are tall, and not. They are brown-skinned, and olive-skinned, and not. They have small breasts, and big ones, and no breasts whatsoever.

Real women start their lives as baby girls. And as baby boys. And as babies of indeterminate biological sex whose bodies terrify their doctors and families into making all kinds of very sudden decisions.

Real women have big hands and small hands and long elegant fingers and short stubby fingers and manicures and broken nails with dirt under them.

Real women have armpit hair and leg hair and pubic hair and facial hair and chest hair and sexy moustaches and full, luxuriant beards. Real women have none of these things, spontaneously or as the result of intentional change. Real women are bald as eggs, by chance and by choice and by chemo. Real women have hair so long they can sit on it. Real women wear wigs and weaves and extensions and kufi and do-rags and hairnets and hijab and headscarves and hats and yarmulkes and textured rubber swim caps with the plastic flowers on the sides.

Real women wear high heels and skirts. Or not.

Real women are feminine and smell good and they are masculine and smell good and they are androgynous and smell good, except when they don’t smell so good, but that can be changed if desired because real women change stuff when they want to.

Real women have ovaries. Unless they don’t, and sometimes they don’t because they were born that way and sometimes they don’t because they had to have their ovaries removed. Real women have uteruses, unless they don’t, see above. Real women have vaginas and clitorises and XX sex chromosomes and high estrogen levels, they ovulate and menstruate and can get pregnant and have babies. Except sometimes not, for a rather spectacular array of reasons both spontaneous and induced.

Real women are fat. And thin. And both, and neither, and otherwise. Doesn’t make them any less real.

There is a phrase I wish I could engrave upon the hearts of every single person, everywhere in the world, and it is this sentence which comes from the genius lips of the grand and eloquent Mr. Glenn Marla:

There is no wrong way to have a body.


I’m going to say it again because it’s important: There is no wrong way to have a body.

And if your moral compass points in any way, shape, or form to equality, you need to get this through your thick skull and stop with the “real women are like such-and-so” crap.

You are not the authority on what “real” human beings are, and who qualifies as “real” and on what basis. All human beings are real.

Yes, I know you’re tired of feeling disenfranchised. It is a tiresome and loathsome thing to be and to feel. But the tit-for-tat disenfranchisement of others is not going to solve that problem. Solidarity has to start somewhere and it might as well be with you and me.

.Peace, Love and the beauty of reality my darlings!

xoxo,

Starshine

who says you're not perfect...

Its never too early for a red lip...

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It's easier for you to let me go...

So... I'm spending the night in the city tomorrow with one of my loves and decided to get my hair done all fancy like. My two new hair idols are Selena Gomez and Christina Perri, so I'm thinking of a really awesome fusion. This is me now...

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Now add one part Selena at the 2011 Billboard Awards...

Note the perfect length and texture. Stunning as always




And a dash of the edgy awesomeness that is Christina Perri on a daily basis:














And Hopefully... the end result will be a stunningly elegant but still me, edgy and funky. That being said, I should probably go check tomorrow's weather, pick out a cute outfit and construct the perfect playlist. I'll be sure to show you all what I'm working with tomorrow.


Peace, Love and Perfect hair days my darlings!

xoxo,

Starshine

I don't care 'bout anything but you

I was just on Facebook being a creep and felt like being an asshole. So I forced my friend to tell me a story about an acorn. This is the masterpiece he came up with.

Once apon a time there was an acorn. He loved his mommy her name was preaty tree. they loved each other so much. preaty tree would sing him song tell him stories about when she was a little acorn.
He was a happy little acorn but one day little acorn fell.

He didn’t understand what had happened and he was so sad. little acorn was ok but he wondered why his mommy pretty tree hadn’t picked him up. years had passed and he would see his mommy singing to other little acorns to he would try to yell out to them and say I’m your brother but they couldn’t hear another few years passed and little acorn got use to being on the ground. One day ton beautiful spring afternoon acorn felt something different he had grown a branch! a few days later he had grown a leaf, then a few days later he had grown into a beautiful tall tree with green leafs and strong branches. his mommy now old was next to him she embrased him with her branches cried and said "I’ve missed you so much little acorn" and from that day on they lived happily ever after watching the universe turn for hundreds of years to come.
the end.


I love him.

Peace, Love and Perfect Bedtime stories Darlings!

xoxo,

Starshine

Take me out, take me home...

Sometimes I wish I knew what my mom looked like.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Doing the pretty girl rock...

So I've been up forever today because there was a State of the Company meeting this morning at work starring Pete Nordstrom. Attendance, of course was mandatory. The video presentation was priceless. It opened with a scene from the Matrix and there was talk of walking through a door. Idk what was going on.

I'm sitting next a coworker and we are just Talking shit the whole time. A clip from an MLK speech starts and we both just look at each other and start laughing because really, its retail and therefore not that serious. When Billy Jean starts playing and Michael glides across the screen I had to let GiGi know that it was just straight disrespectful. Meeting ends, I go downstairs to start my homework and get some real coffee and who should walk over to me but my store and department manager with Pete just behind. We get into a conversation in Spanish about random things. Actually it was more like them just saying the only Spanish words/ phrases they knew while I laughed and tried to respond to their ridiculousness.

Now I am sitting in my cute new outfit waiting to go to class. I decided that I'd rather tell you about my day so far then read about breakfast foods.

Pete says you don't need school anyway.

Peace, love and random Spanish phrases my darlings.

Xoxo

Starshine
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Let's flyyyyyyyyy

Rocketeer

Far East Movement

Here we go, come with me
There's a world out there that we should see
Take my hand, close your eyes
With you right here, I'm a rocketeer

Let's fly (fly,fly,fly,fly)
Up, up here we go, go
Up, up here we go, go
Let's fly (fly,fly,fly,fly)
Up, up here we go, go
Where we stop nobody knows

[Prohgress:]
Where we go, we don't need roads
And where we stop nobody knows
To the stars if you really want it
Got a jetpack with your name on it
Above the clouds and the atmosphere
Say the words and we outta here
Hold my hand if you feelin scared
We're flyin up, up outta here

Here we go, come with me
There's a world out there that we should see
Take my hand, close your eyes
With you right here, I'm a rocketeer

Let's fly (fly,fly,fly,fly)
Up, up here we go, go
Up, up here we go, go
Let's fly (fly,fly,fly,fly)
Up, up here we go, go
Where we stop nobody knows

[Kev Nish:]
Baby, we can stay fly like a G6
Shop the streets of Tokyo, get your fly kicks
Girl, your always on my mind
Got my head up in the sky
And I'm never lookin down, feelin priceless
Yeah, where we at? only few have known
Were on some next level, super mario
I hope this works out, cardio
Until then let's fly
Geronimo

Here we go, come with me
There's a world out there that we should see
Take me hand, close your eyes
With you right here, I'm a rocketeer
Let's fly

[J-Splif:]
Yo, now I ain't ever been to space before
But I ain't never seen a face like yours
You make me feel like I can touch the planets
You are the moon girl, watch me grab it
See, I ain't ever seen a star this close
You got me stuck by the way you glow
I'm like oh, oh, oh, oh
I'm like oh, oh, oh, oh

Here we go, come with me
There's a world out there that we should see
Take my hand, close your eyes
With you right here, I'm a rocketeer

Let's fly (fly,fly,fly,fly)
Up, up here we go, go
Up, up here we go, go
Let's fly (fly,fly,fly,fly)
Up, up here we go, go
Where we stop nobody knows

I just had sex, and it felt so good...

Haha just kidding.

but even if I had I'm not tacky enough to just come here and tell you all about it. On a somewhat related note is tonight's post. It's a short one lovelies, so here goes:

El corazon no tiene cara y te promeso que lo de nosotros no va terminal. Yo se que no soy perfecto pero se que te quiero a ti. Loosly translated:

the heart has no face and you promise us it will not end. I know I'm not perfect but I know I love you.


That is all.

Peace, Love and More love darlings!

xoxo

Starshine

the scars of your love they leave me breathless...

okay, so I've decided that it is time for A rant. One of the things that annoys me most-about people is when they decide that my actions make me a bad friend. Not to sound cocky or anything but 1 am a freaking awesome friend. Sorry if deciding that I'm not beat to just sit around and be used by you is upsetting but honestly_ have better things to do. It is not my fault that you obviously don't feel comfortable enough around people to hang out with them on your own accord. What's more do you really think that they don t notice that they never hear/ see you unless l am around? Maybe it's your own fault for refusing to give anyone credit. Contrary to your belief the world does not revolve around you. You are neither the shit nor the queen of sheeba, so i suggest that you calm your whack ass down.






Sincerest Regards,

The Management

All I Do is Win

My midterm has been postponed to Tuesday. I wish you could see how excited I am about this. What is more is that in reviewing my notes today I felt surprisingly more confident in the information than I had previously thought. so shout out to Bradford Wallace for rocking my world with that study guide. I'm not worried about my Spanish midterm at all so I guess I can finally attempt to sleep like a normal person this weekend. To celebrate what I consider to be a great victory, I bought a Wacom bamboo tablet from the bookstore. Top reasons why this shit is bananas:

1. It is both a touch and pen tablet. Crazy exciting.
2. It was $99. A major steal considering that it is one of the newest models.
3. It comes with a bundle which includes Photoshop
4. I can edit photos like a champ.
5. It was $99... need I say more


So now I am sitting in the common room in University Hall tinkering away like a happy child when I should be doing Spanish homework or something...

whatever, nothing can rain on my parade today.


Otherwise I don't think I have any more news to share. WAIT!!!! I lied (tee hee hee). My friend Angel from Florida (Puerto Rico originally) is coming to visit me soon. I am excited for him to get properly smashed with me and my friends, but I am also a bit nervous. I find that I am usually a bit apprehensive of my away friends meeting my home friends. It doesn't always go well. But he is cute, and we all know that pretty people always get on with other pretty people.


Wellllllllll, I must return to my tinkering now (and possibly a bit of actual school work). Thanks for the chat my little bunnies!

Peace, Love and Shiny New Toys my darlings

xoxo

Starshine

And I try to remember, who I used to be...

Midterms are coming up, well actually my first one this term is on Friday. I currently feel as though I haven't learned enough in my courses to be able to effectively rock this test. My professor is one of those trying to be "hip" types that just converses with his students about the latest episode of Pretty Little Liars or an award show instead of actually following the lesson plan. I used to be one of those students who LOVED having professors like this until I realized that the midterms and finals were not based on what you were taught in your individual class, but rather on what the department decides you should've learned by that point. Therefore and thusly, these professors are a waste of time.

Furthermore, if I really wanted to spend time wondering what Lady Gaga was wearing in Paris last week, I would just watch TMZ or something.


but on a completely different and unrelated note,

I was talking to a friend last night who imformed me that he was/ is currently touring with Crystal Castles and I am going to go stalk him in a concert type setting. Before everyone starts calling SWAT, I am not groupie, never that. I do actually know this person and we talk frequently, well when he isn't off in other countries living an amazing life fueled by his magical, musical powers. I quite enjoy Crystal Castles as do I enjoy this friend (more physically than musically but he is still quite crazily gifted) so I feel that it will be worth my dollars and time. Today this woman came into my job today and actually had the audacity to ask me if we had any drinks. Not any decaf drinks, not fruity drinks, just drinks in general. I wanted to ask her if she was kidding and to get out but my "manager" was next to me so I had to hold my tongue. Random thought right?

You must have forgotten who I am.

Lisa Gerrard just came on my homework playlist. I believe I've already discussed my feelings on her on the Gladiator score so I will refrain from reminding you. I bought another one of my friends albums on itunes a few days ago and it sickens me to think about how talented she is. I don't understand how I can be surrounded by such obvious talent without being inspired to make bigger moves for myself. Maybe I should see a life coach...

OH GOD!

Oasis just started. "Wonderwall" is easily one of the best songs ever written.


I feel all over the place right now because I have literally not slept in 3 whole days. This midterm season has me all occupied. I think I am hungry too. Scratch that I am not hungry, but I should eat. Not sleeping usually means not eating because I am running around doing a million things. This most likely explains my losing 10 pounds in 8 days (this is not an exagerration, I checked when I realized non of my pants fit correctly). I can't think of anything else to tell you because I can't really focus on anything other than how much more work I have to do. I just took a little break to say hi because I knew that if I just stopped working I would fall asleep, and we can't have that now can we?

Peace, Love and getting it done my darlings!

xoxo


Starshine

Bring the lights up, Bust the doors down

So I think I have an obsession with Bod Mod (Body Modification). Every paycheck I get is immediately followed with sketches of the tattoos I want. I desperately want some new surface piercings but I can't think of a placement that isn't completely... scandalous. Right now I'm thinking vertical lines on either side of my neck. However, I am not completely sure this is safe or even possible considering the amount of crucial veins, arteries and other such nonsense located in one's neck. Whatever, It doesn't hurt to ask,

RIGHT?!

I've been sitting in this library for a good 5 hours now. I started out doing homework but then I had the urge to electronically creep on a friend which turned into me admiring his tats and wanting better ones of my own. Went online and found some crazy/ beautiful pieces. These really stood out, but not all necessarily for me.

This dudes arm was bitten off by a shark and this tat just shows off how bad-ass he is. This artist is a genius and I applaud his gift. Sorry I just looked up in the library and this is this whole little Black History Month shelf and a Beyonce book is right in my face. ...Awkward. Anyways kids, back to the show.

I want something like this. Something mystical. Something intricate. The only thing I'm unsure of is whether or not I want color. Right now I'm leaning towards yes but I'm not to sure how good some colors will look with my particular shade seeings as how I am what some would call "yellow boned".

There were more, but I seem to be experiencing some technical difficulities at this time. I'll try again later. Until next time.

Peace, Love and self Expression my darlings!

xoxo

Starshine

Hold me down, and i'll carry you home

Making a sleep playlist and I realized how long it's been since I told you what I've been up to musically. Well... I don't mean in terms of me MAKING music, because trust me, no one wants to hear that. Simply put, what I am listening to. Sooooo instead of trying to name every song and/or artist i listen to in the course of my day to day, I think this time I will just share one playlist.

This is what I listen to at night, or whenever finally get around to winding down from my day. I call it my, "oh what a beautiful/ tragic day that I must now wind down from playlist" or "sweet slumber" for short. Here goes.

Augustana - Sweet and Low
Enya - Carribean Blue
Enigma - Return to Innocence
Death Cab for Cutie - Crooked Teeth
Imogen Heap - Goodnight and Go
Radiohead - Karma Police
Missy Higgins - Where I Stood
Keane - We Might as Well be Strangers
Justin Nozuka - After Tonight
Explosions in the Sky - Your Hand in Mine
Regina Spektor - Better/ The Call
Beirut - Nantes
Mumford & Sons - The Cave / Little Lion Man
Kings of Leon - Milk
Anthony Greene - Miracle Sun
The Hush Sound - You Are the Moon

Now, you may be thinking that not too much of this is really new music. I acknowledge that. Most of these songs have been in and out of your head sometime in the past few years. But sometimes after a long day of new adventures or unneccesary drama you just need something familiar to sink into and bring you back down to earth. Keep it simple, do what you want. Listen to what you love no matter how old, weird, outdated or unpopular and NEVER apologize for it. Now break out that Macarena mixtape and lets do this thing!

Peace, Love and the sweetest of dreams my darlings.

xoxo

Starshine

Tied up to the ground, We're spiralling...

It's St. Valentine's Day my darlings.
Or it was... a few hours ago. Anyways, not the point. As usual it was a pretty bland day at work. Just coffee and bitch-y latte pretention, a mall standard. After work a friend and I went to dinner with some guys from the mall and had a few drinks. I know what you are thinking, but before you get too excited, it was not a date and I was perfectly fine with that. I think having first dates on Valentine's Day is cliche and awkward. There is so much more pressure to make sure that there is a connection and to have someone to go home with and that is definitely not my agenda right now. All in all we had a great time. I got some noms and had a few good drinks. They paid of course (it still wasn't a date, but come on, I only fucks with gentlemen) and it was a perfectly splendid evening.

HOWEVER

For all of you lovelys that were on dates with special someones or potentials, I hope you enjoyed yourselves and that your partners behaved appropriately. Love is a feeling like no other and if you are in it or on your way I applaud you. It's going to get tough, but the reward greatly surpasses the struggle. Think about it this way, Valentine's Day is one of the few non religion based holidays celebrated by the entire world. No matter what your color, race, religion or sex we can all share and live in the warmth of love. So on this international day of love I am sending you all that I have. Be good to yourselves and eachother and just... let it happen.

Peace, Love and Cheesy Romance Songs my darlings!

xoxo
Starshine

Strange and Beautiful (I'll Put a Spell on You)

Does ANYONE know this song?!?!?! It's gorgeous and you should all be listening to it RIGHT NOW! Pretty uneventful day. Work, home and more tinkering with my computer ( I need to reaquaint myself with Windows). Skype date later with my darling Matthew. I painted my nails red for the first time in an eternity, but with a name like "I'm Not Really a Waitress", how could I resist!?!

That's all for now. Maybe I'll have more to share after my chat ;)

Peace, Love and Magical Connections my darlings!

xoxo,
Starshine

Melt My Heart to Stone

Right under my feet is air made of bricks

It pulls me down and turns me weak for you

I find myself repeatin' like a broken tune

And I'm forever excusin' your intentions

Then I give in to my pretendings

Which forgive you each time

Without me knowing

They melt my heart to stone

And I hear your words that I made up

You say my name like there could be an us

I best tidy up my head, I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

Each and every time i turn around to leave

I feel my hear begin to burst and bleed

So desperately I try to link it with my head

But instead i fall back to my knees

As you tear away right through me

I forgive you once again

Without me knowin'

You've burnt my heart to stone

And I hear your words that I made up

You say my name like there could be an us

I best tidy up my head, I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

Why do you steal my hand

Whenever I'm standin' my own ground?

You build me up then leave me there

Well I hear your words you made up

So I say your name like there should be an us

I best tidy up my head, I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

It's been a long time, long time now. Since I've seen you smile...

P.S. darlings,
I think a new layout is needed. This one feels so tired.
Let's see what happens.
But first, some noms...

xoxo,

Starshine

Thinking over, the things that you said...

Home sick from work reflecting on the year thus far. Its been pretty uneventful. Work, school and usual backstage antics are a foot as usual but for some reason, it all feels different this time around.

Actually no. It's not just "for some reason", I know exactly why this all feels wrong. Within the past few months, i was proposed to by a man I loved and offered a life any sane person would want. A life filled with security, love and respect. However, after deciding that I needed more time to live like a child I rejected and broke the heart of the only person thus far to really have my best interest in mind. So here I am; going to a school that bores me working towards a degree that is still a complete mystery to me, paying $600 a month to live in the house I grew up in and working a dead end job filled with air of pretention I didn't even know was possible for a coffee shop. I find myself thinking on an almost daily basis how my life would be different right now if i had said yes. Besides the absolutely obvious, what would a day in the life of an engaged me look like? Would I still be living here, or in New York? Or maybe he would've been able to convince me to move into his house in Maine. Would i still be working some stupid job in coffee, or would my new found confidence, the kind of confidence that comes from having the man you love propose to you, inspire me to do something daring in the field I love? I often picture myself in the housewife role, and while i imagine I would want to work for a few years first, I see myself loving all of the responsibilty. Who would I be talking to? Would I still talk to the people I grew up, and surrounded myself with for the whole of my life, or would I only be seen with a more mature, refined crowd closer to my beau's age? Everyday while I go through the motions in my mundane life, I am bombarded with these questions. Questions I am no closer to answering than I was a few months ago because I am still thinking and acting like a stupid child.

I haven't been writting. I haven't been singing. i haven't been drawing, or learning... or expanding. I haven't been doing any of the things I said I needed time to do before settling down. So, in the spirit of being

"the best me I can be"
i'm changing things up, and making a different set of moves for myself. I'd tell you what they were, but I have to keep some things a secret or you will get bored with me and move on to someone younger. I will leave you with this,

One day, I hope he will ask me again.

And when he does, I will jump into his arms

and prepare to live a new life of happiness

that I couldn't have imagined in my wildest dreams.

I hope that this day not only comes,

but that when it does I am a better,

more confident person

who believes that she is worthy of such

utopia.

Peace, love and the happiest of endings my darlings!

xoxo
Starshine